This is probably gonna be a very long and very broad one, but maybe someone can relate to this.. (TW: mental health, self harm) So I've been playing badminton for about 8 years. I'd definitely consider myself an advanced player, but I'm nowhere close to where I want to be. In fact, I'm one of the worst players in my club. Right now I play two times per week (4 hours total). I'd love to play and train more, but with university, my job etc. its just not possible. So therefore I need to get the maximum out of these two training sessions. I definitely know which things I need to do better and in which areas I need to improve. However I feel somewhat stuck and I think, a lot of this has to do with my mindset. I've been struggling with mental health for years (low self esteem, self harm etc.) and badminton is pretty much the only thing that really helps me forget those things at least for a few hours. Therefore the whole topic is super important to me, I'm extremely competitive and desperately want to improve, because badminton's really means a lot to me. So on the one hand, I'm really motivated and competetive which is actually a good thing I guess. On the other hand, this probably leads me to taking things too seriously and focusing too much on winning instead of improving and doing things differently. When I have a bad match, I often get really frustrated and angry at myself, which obviously only makes me play even worse and I get into this negative downward spiral, sometimes up to a point where I really want to hurt myself because I feel like I'm the worst player in the world, a burden to my doubles partner and overall just a worthless piece of sh*t. Do you guys have any ideas on how to get out of this? I know random people on the internet won't solve my mental health issues and I need to get professional help (I'm on it, unfortunately you have to wait a long time because waiting lists are super full), but maybe you guys have some advice on how to specifically improve my badminton mindset: What do you do to stay calm and confident during a match after losing several points? How do you allow yourself to make mistakes, especially when you are trying to do things differently and implement new techniques? Often I actually know what I need to do better. However I find myself always going back to my old bad technique habits, which feel more comfortable to me, because I focus too much on short term winning instead of long term improvement. So how do you remind yourself to implement new techniques during a match? And how can I stop myself from taking things too seriously and tying my whole self esteem to my performance on court? I feel like I have so much motivation and willingness to improve and win in me, but right now I'm using it in a really destructive and negative way. How can I turn that into positive energy? This is a very broad question, so I'm really really thankful for any kind of advice. And even if you dont have any advice, but read this far, thank you for listening.