The obsessive badminton player and his unhappy girlfriend, help!!

[gingerphil79]

^^
You'll seriously have to project your life 2 to 5 to 10 years down the road and see if being a pro badminton player is your talent or calling.

Im not saying il become professional, I would love to, but I would love to play regional standard. Ive never been good at any sport! This is the 1st sport that 1, I am addicted to and 2, am getting quite good at it. I want to achieve in it

 

[Cheung]

I am only 23, coming 24! Been playing for 3/4 years now and Yes, I started playing before I met her. The problem was at the start, we seen each other a bit cause I had leagues and al on but I wasnt that good at it but an ok standard. Then the off season came and I spent every waking minute with her. Of course the season started again and she didnt like that I was spending more time away from her so I did compromise with her a fair bit at times.

Oops, she's been spoilt

But woman are funny, she will see her mates and do her own thing when she wants, but for me to do the same and for me its only badminton, its a big deal, she always comes first before my mates or anything else except badminton!!

Well it's the typical double standards and it's a good job you haven't married her!

I feel in my play, I have reached a cross roads, either slowly improve playing a bit or go all out with coaching and practice as much as possible and see how far I can go. I wanna win some cups and tournaments and I am close. I almost won a couple cups last year. So far this year I got to the semis in the mixed, I hardly play mixed so I was well pleased but I still wanted to win!

Since you have improved so much, it is important to see how far you can go. For some people, it really isn't so important. For you (as it was for me) it is really important to see what your potential is. You need to do it because you'll always regret later in life if you didn't try.

Oh, you can also see this another way. It's psychological manipulation and warfare by the girl. She's playing a game with you which that is testing her against a hobby that is very, very important to you. If you bow to her demands, then she knows she has control over you and you'll be forever under her control. If you stand strong to what you want to do, she has two choices - either she compromises (if she likes you enough) or she decides to leave (which means she doesn't like you enough!).

Simply speaking, she's messing you around on purpose

(It's just a guess but have you ever been in this situation? You prepare to go out to play badminton, tell her and then she kicks up a fuss about being alone - maybe even crying? lol )

 

[gingerphil79]

(It's just a guess but have you ever been in this situation? You prepare to go out to play badminton, tell her and then she kicks up a fuss about being alone - maybe even crying? lol )

She wud kick up a fuss at times but normally she wud just pretend that it doesnt annoy her and then when I am free, she would be like am busy or she would be a bit off with me. Silly woman. I completely understand where she is coming from thou but I really wanna do this.

When I am with her, I gave her all my attention, didnt answer texts or calls, just focused on her which I enjoyed and she did to. In essence she just wants to see me more and I want to see her more but I have to do this. I dont play to lose, I wanna win, I wanna kick butt!!

 

[Random-person1]

She wud kick up a fuss at times but normally she wud just pretend that it doesnt annoy her and then when I am free, she would be like am busy or she would be a bit off with me. Silly woman. I completely understand where she is coming from thou but I really wanna do this.

When I am with her, I gave her all my attention, didnt answer texts or calls, just focused on her which I enjoyed and she did to. In essence she just wants to see me more and I want to see her more but I have to do this. I dont play to lose, I wanna win, I wanna kick butt!!

Yea.. not worth the sacrifice of badminton.

 

[Cheung]

She wud kick up a fuss at times but normally she wud just pretend that it doesnt annoy her and then when I am free, she would be like am busy or she would be a bit off with me. Silly woman. I completely understand where she is coming from thou but I really wanna do this.

When I am with her, I gave her all my attention, didnt answer texts or calls, just focused on her which I enjoyed and she did to. In essence she just wants to see me more and I want to see her more but I have to do this. I dont play to lose, I wanna win, I wanna kick butt!!

So you get the silent treatment? That's a common thing You understand where she's coming from? I think you don't need to understand her...she needs to understand you!

Let's put it this way. If she prevents you from playing badminton, you'll be unhappy and the extra time you spend in each others company will not be quality time.

 

[DivingBirdie]

i've seen relationships that stood through the duration of mandatory National Service here(though many others fail too)...but what's the big deal about few sessions of badminton?

just coax your gf more

 

[Momus]

ermm..same prob wif me..=)

 

[bananakid]

What a joke... asking a bunch of badminton fanatics on whether to choose badminton over "ANYTHING", they will all say badminton is more important. It's the same as asking a barber if you need a haircut.

Let me ask this Gingerphil guy a few questions here:

Do you have a full time job? If so, what is it?

How is your pay? enough to secure a future for both you and your gf(if the relationship is serious) If not, why aren't you doing something that actually helps you financially in the long run?

How much time do you have left to spend with your gf after work and your busy badminton schedule? Then you wonder why she complains?

If you don't have a job, then:

Are you making any money by playing badminton RIGHT NOW?

Why are you wasting that much money on badminton (coaching, and etc) when you are JOB-LESS?

What makes you think ANY girl would be happy to be with an unemployed loser who only focus on something as pointless as badminton which doesn't generate any income?

 

[Cheung]

What a joke... asking a bunch of badminton fanatics on whether to choose badminton over "ANYTHING", they will all say badminton is more important. It's the same as asking a barber if you need a haircut.

Well, you do have a point BUT it seems that money is not high on the agenda of gingerphil79 at this stage of his life.

Badminton is important for him (maybe not as much for you bananakid) .

Although bk is very money minded, not everybody shares that same perspective and neither does the OP. The OP has never mentioned anything about money issues. Of course, that might change as the years go on but let's deal on what is important to him at this moment which is badminton and this girl.


As for girls wanting to be happy with an unemployed loser, well, yes, there are girls like that in the world!!

I can tell you at the age of 24, I wasn't even remotely thinking about settling down. I didn't have any savings and it didn't bother me! I was actually trying to play more badminton and do martial arts in my free time and yes, I did have a girlfriend then

 

[Fidget]

I can tell you at the age of 24 ... I didn't have any savings and it didn't bother me! ... and yes, I did have a girlfriend then

You may not have had any savings to flaunt, but you were probably wearing a 'white coat' by then. That marker of future affluence attracts lots of gals.

 

[cooler]

You may not have had any savings to flaunt, but you were probably wearing a 'white coat' by then. That marker of future affluence attracts lots of gals.

or even knowing this warm body is almost finishing med. school. Hot damn

 

[Fidget]

cooler, you are as elegantly insightful (and blunt) as ever.

 

[bananakid]

Let me ask this Gingerphil guy a few questions here:

Do you have a full time job? If so, what is it?

How is your pay? enough to secure a future for both you and your gf(if the relationship is serious) If not, why aren't you doing something that actually helps you financially in the long run?

How much time do you have left to spend with your gf after work and your busy badminton schedule? Then you wonder why she complains?

If you don't have a job, then:

Are you making any money by playing badminton RIGHT NOW?

Why are you wasting that much money on badminton (coaching, and etc) when you are JOB-LESS?

What makes you think ANY girl would be happy to be with an unemployed loser who only focus on something as pointless as badminton which doesn't generate any income?

Well, you do have a point BUT it seems that money is not high on the agenda of gingerphil79 at this stage of his life.

Badminton is important for him (maybe not as much for you bananakid) .

Although bk is very money minded, not everybody shares that same perspective and neither does the OP. The OP has never mentioned anything about money issues. Of course, that might change as the years go on but let's deal on what is important to him at this moment which is badminton and this girl.


As for girls wanting to be happy with an unemployed loser, well, yes, there are girls like that in the world!!

I can tell you at the age of 24, I wasn't even remotely thinking about settling down. I didn't have any savings and it didn't bother me! I was actually trying to play more badminton and do martial arts in my free time and yes, I did have a girlfriend then

I am not questioning Gingerphil's view on money if you read my post more carefully. I am questioning how Gingerphil's gf's view on Gingerphil. For example, Is he a responsible human being, or is he just a selfish immature fool who only knows how to enjoy his badminton and forget about everything else that is important in life.

At the age of 24, one(Gingerphil in this case) should be ready to contribute to society(unless further professional education is required), and if one is still so immature to put so much money and effort into something that has no financial reward or future while being unemployed or working at McDonald's, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT(if you are a girl) or WOULD YOU LET YOUR DAUGHTER TO BE IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT? HONESTLY... Think about it.

If you are in the shoes of Gingerphil's gf, wouldn't you do the same thing as she is doing? We have only heard one side of the story... imagine what the other side of the story could have been.

 

[ctjcad]

..i can imagine gingerphil79 actually pulling his gf over to BC (maybe later) and have her read all of these replies..(both of them might be smiling)

Btw, anyone wonders if gingerphil79 actually comes from a "well" family & financial future is "secured"? maybe money is not a big issue for either gingerphil79 and his gf. maybe it's a matter of providing more time & attention for the gf??..

gingerphil79, just wondering, what's your reaction if your gf wants to do her own activity? same as her or you let her do her own thing? or she doesn't have much activities/friends to keep her occupied?

 

[visor]

bananakid makes some very good points.

At this point in his life, the OP should really be taking steps towards finding and training for his career in the future. If badminton is it, then fine, but he should be aware that it is not going to put food on the table or a roof over his head, even if he wins at international levels. He may not have to worry about finances, if he's still living at home rent-free and doesn't have to worry about groceries etc, so he's free to develop whatever hobbies he may choose.

But like I said earlier, even if he's good enough to win internationlly, then so what? Eventually there will be better and younger players to take his place. If anyone cares to look up the winners of previous international level competition, where are they a few years afterwards? If they don't end up being coaches, they inevitably go into business or go into further studies.

 

[alexh]

At the age of 24, one(Gingerphil in this case) should be ready to contribute to society(unless further professional education is required), and if one is still so immature to put so much money and effort into something that has no financial reward or future...

In my opinion, playing badminton well contributes more to society than many paid jobs I could name (I won't actually name them, because I don't want to argue about which jobs people disapprove of, but I'm sure you'll have your own ideas). It's not all about money.

 

[bananakid]

At the age of 24, one(Gingerphil in this case) should be ready to contribute to society(unless further professional education is required), and if one is still so immature to put so much money and effort into something that has no financial reward or future...

In my opinion, playing badminton well contributes more to society than many paid jobs I could name (I won't actually name them, because I don't want to argue about which jobs people disapprove of, but I'm sure you'll have your own ideas). It's not all about money.

To whom is a local no name not famous badminton amateur serve or provide any sort of service(s) to???

Hopefully, you are not going to tell me stuff like:

1. The local facility gets a crappy $5 - 50 entry fee from participants
2. Support those near bankrupt local badminton bodies, eg. badminton-alberta. LOL
3. The government has more reasons to hand out more welfare payments to local poor badminton players.
4. Create a demand for local goose farmers? This one makes the most sense. LOL

 

[visor]

To whom is a local no name not famous badminton amateur serve or provide any sort of service(s) to???

Maybe something like:
-- preventing the scores of heart attack and diabetes that would have occured if there were no badminton to provide exercise
-- keeping the scores of juvenille delinquents busy on the court instead of causing trouble on the streets


But jesting aside, I can't imagine how it could contribute to society more than any job. Well, maybe a lawyer that is defending a well know criminal boss...

 

[alexh]

But jesting aside, I can't imagine how it could contribute to society more than any job. Well, maybe a lawyer that is defending a well know criminal boss...

Right. There are jobs where people are paid to waste time, or even to make the world a worse place. If you work for a company, then you are (probably) contributing to that company, but that's not the same as contributing to society as a whole. I won't give further examples, it would take us too far off topic.

 

[Cheung]

You may not have had any savings to flaunt, but you were probably wearing a 'white coat' by then. That marker of future affluence attracts lots of gals.

I was actually thinking of leaving the profession that time having been quite disillusioned. My parents sounded disappointed but just asked me think it over carefully.