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Discussion in 'General Forum' started by gingerphil79, Jan 13, 2010.
A leopard never changes their spots
Seems a nice fellow who has his head on straight about badminton ( http://www.badmintoncentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=79602) but is stymied, like the rest of us, by the perplexity of love.
There are 134,000 Google hits for "backhand clear", but over 58 million for "relationship advice". Which is the more complex game?
-Fidget (just another danielwong)
I was willing to compromise a bit but she still isnt happy bout it. She says she is happy bout it but I just know she isnt. No point her being unhappy but I want to do this.
I could play 5 times a week. Mon, tues, wed, fri and sat. Am really serious bout it, I play for 2 clubs in 2 different leagues and even went to sports psychologist to sort out my mental game. Now I have found a coach, really great player who will bring my physical game up. Am also getting fit in between. Am doing everything I can to better my game and move up in the world of badminton
I dont know what to do
In this case, find a gf who's also a player, maybe harder in your part of the world.
Or intv wives of badminton players(themself a non player), see their similarities
I guess I'm lucky when I read through some cases in here. I always play at least 4 times a week. 3-6 hours per session. One of the place I go for play is an hour away from my place (Different city), my gf does not play badminton due to some reason but she never complaint anything. One of the method I use to make her not boring is that let her do some activities while I play badminton (other sport such as swimming or gym) at the same sport facilities. Other than that I introduced her to all of my badminton friends and make her more familiar with the environment I'm at. This really helps and finally ask her to watch badminton live to produce real interest.
Silly question to ask a badmintonfanatic!!
Our gingerphil79 is a man on a mission to attain the highest level possible in his badminton. There is no stopping him. When a guy has such determination, no girl should expect to be no.1 - it's just not realistic.
What exactly don't you know what to do? or do you not know 'how to do it'?
You've answered your own question:
Your priority right now is badminton. You have comprimised as much as you want to. You sense that it is not enough to keep her happy. Cold hard logic says that you should give her the option of separating for a while.
Talk to your mates. Listen to your heart. But be honest with yourself and fair to her. Best of luck.
Maybe your girlfriend wants a soccer hero instead of a badminton sissy especially since you reside in the U.K. Have you thought of it that way?
I believe as guys, we should never give in to our wives/girlfriends easily unless it is for the benefits of everyone(including ourselves). However, to give up a relationship(if it is a serious one) for something as meaningless as badminton, you must be kidding.
An imaginary conservation between Gingerphil's gf and her friend after they break up over badminton:
GF: I broke up with Gingerphil
Friend(F): oh, poor you... what happened?
GF: He preferred badminton over me
F: Are you serious? Badminton? He just came out of the closet, didn't he?
GF: That's what I thought, or else why would he want to spend more time with sweaty guys than me?
It's great to read from our female BCers, fox and eagle, to come in to comment
It's great to read from our female BCers, fox and eagle, to come in to comment on this matter.
I love my wife and my kids but why would you call badminton meaningless? That's going a little far. Want to know the truth? I see way more failed marriages and relationships than I see people leaving their favorite sport so why would you say the sport is meaningless instead of the person? Can you not love a sport/object/activity... etc. as much or more than a person?
I plan on playing badminton forever, I also plan on staying with my family forever. How many people do you know that have quit badminton completely? Now how many do you know that are divorced?
Based on pure numbers it would appear that hobbies are more stable than relationships.
Unless you make money by being a professional badminton player, otherwise badminton is nothing more than an entertainment, sport, or some people call it a "passion". However, if you think about it more carefully, badminton is not as important as a lot of other things such as family, career, and etc.
A sport is meaningless if you don't have your life priority fixed properly first. Most importantly, have you ever heard anyone(besides professional players) saying that "I live only to play badminton"??? If so, that person is a waste of oxygen on this planet... seriously.
Back to your question: let me answer it with a question, how many people do you know have divorced because of an obsession with badminton? If so, those people must be out of their minds.
No, most of the people I know that are divorced did not do so because of badminton, what I'm saying is that badminton, or other sports, are more constant than relationships are. How many girlfriends/boyfriends do you have before you get married? I would not stop any hobby for any GF because they asked me to as I know I enjoy and plan on playing until I can't, I can't say that the GF at the time is "the one".
Priorities of course are important but that does not mean you can't plan all your family, career and hobbies such that you can enjoy them all. I'm a project manager for a construction company and spend a lot of time out of town, I also have a wife and two kids but still manage my schedule in such a way that I can enjoy my hobbies which include golf, badminton, computers and RC (remote control vehicles). I even have a complete 20' x 20' hobby room in which to persue my hobbies.
But to say that any hobby is meaningless is stupid, these are the ways that I release stress from work and yes family. It's time alone where I can concentrate on other things and that is a VERY important part of my life. Without them I'd enjoy my life less.
As for my career, I work so that I can enjoy my life, buy the things that my family and I need and want. My career is not my life, as it has been for many others of previous generations. My work is what allows me to pay for many things, including my hobbies, but in reality that's all it is.
There's also no reason why sports, or other hobbies, can't be a priority. Calling a person a waste of oxygen because you don't happen to agree with them is stupid. Every person has the right to determine what makes their life worth living and if badminton does that for them then that's their choice. You have no right to tell someone else what should or should not be their priorities.
That's right!! They would have been out of their minds to have got married in the first place. They don't get divorced because of badminton. Those badmintonfanatics avoid marriage to incompatible people in the very first instance
So here, we have gingerphil79 who is really into badminton with a girl who is against it. If I had a girlfriend like that, well, I would change my facebook status from "It's complicated" to "Single".
Wonder if gingerphil79 found Badminton first, before finding his girlfriend?
What Cheung said are the key points:
"We have gingerphil79 who is really into badminton with a girl who is against it."
Wonder if gingerphil79 found Badminton first, before finding his girlfriend?
If gingerphil79 found Badminton first, then it is strange for his girlfriend to be interested in him. Usually, one is attracted to another because of one's character, hobbies, interests, beliefs, occupation, life-style, etc......
Ahhhh.... but he was probably playing much less before and during the time when they started going out together. It is only recently that he may have decided to pursue his sport more passionately (with coaching, sports psychologist, etc.), so his g/f is feeling confused and threatened by his choices.
From a purely socio biological point of view, the dating female is always, always (whether consiously or subconsciously) in some way or other, assessing her prospective mate for features and characteristics that would make him a good father for her children. So, gingerphil's choices would reflect poorly in her mind.
Hence, the reason why he and his g/f have reached this crossroads.
Gingerphil79 joined BC two years ago and has already achieved a pretty good standard of play. I think we can safely assume he has been playing for more than two years. If we guess that '79' refers to his year of birth, I think we can safely say this girl came on to the scene after badminton.
And also vice versa. Gingerphil79 is already thinking that this girl doesn't have his priorities in mind either which reflects poorly on the girl and her status as a 'girlfriend'.
Let's look at the meaning of the term 'girlfriend'. It can be broken up to two words - 'girl' and 'friend'. Obviously(!), the first criteria is satisfied
But what about the 'friend' part? Friends understand each other and get on with each other although they pursue different interests. I don't think this is happening here.
Let's face it, if you have work hard to make a relationship early on, it's definitely going to get tougher later on because there are some basic incompatibilities. Relationships should be easy going, not an effort because the real effort comes after getting married!!
Oh, and for the romantics who have commented on "she might be the one" or commented on future marriage, let's get real here. There is a common statistic in the UK that 1/3 of marriages end in divorce.......
Dink it! This story sounds so familiar .
Well, it seems that badminton makes you happy. Ask her, does she not want you to be happy? (It sounds like her experience of going to a badminton club was very different from yours, so maybe she doesn't fully understand what it means to you.) And consider, if you give in to her on this, then what's next?
Relationships are important too in the long term, so I hope you can work out a good compromise. But from what you're saying here, it seems clear what's more important to you right now.
I am only 23, coming 24! Been playing for 3/4 years now and Yes, I started playing before I met her. The problem was at the start, we seen each other a bit cause I had leagues and al on but I wasnt that good at it but an ok standard. Then the off season came and I spent every waking minute with her. Of course the season started again and she didnt like that I was spending more time away from her so I did compromise with her a fair bit at times.
But woman are funny, she will see her mates and do her own thing when she wants, but for me to do the same and for me its only badminton, its a big deal, she always comes first before my mates or anything else except badminton!!
I feel in my play, I have reached a cross roads, either slowly improve playing a bit or go al out with coaching and practice as much as possible and see how far I can go. I wanna win some cups and tournaments and I am close. I almost won a couple cups last year. So far this year I got to the semis in the mixed, I hardly play mixed so I was well pleased but I still wanted to win!
Looks like you're still in your youth. You have many years to go before you need to settle down with someone.
Just wondering what she's thinking though. As someone else had mentioned, maybe she'd prefer you to play a more manly sport, like rugby, football? Maybe her friends tease her about it too? Next chance you get, you have to ask her ... tactfully of course!
Only 3/4 year of playing and you're doing the semis? So, you seem to be pretty good. Maybe even naturally gifted or talented to play the sport. You'll have to be truthful to yourself and also ask your coach to assess your potential without bias. If he's quite renowned as a coach, and says you're winning material, then you're good. Then you have to decide how much you love this game and how much you want to win the cups and tournaments.
And if you do win all the cups and tournaments, say 2 years down the road, would you be able to look back and say it was worth it? The sacrifices in time and practice are acceptable because you're passionate about the game. But what about sacrifices in relationships? So, you win now, but sooner or later you'll lose to someone better and younger. Then what?
You'll seriously have to project your life 2 to 5 to 10 years down the road and see if being a pro badminton player is your talent or calling.