They are overworked in an office so the boss decides to put an ad in the window for help. The ad reads 'Help wanted. Must be able to use a typewriter, be computer literate and bilingual.' After an hour or so a dog walks in and goes to to the reception nods at the sign and barks. "You want to apply for the job?' asks the recpetionist. The dog nods his head. The receptionist goes to the bosses office and convinces him he should see the dog. The boss says to the dog, "Can you use a typewriter?' Woof goes the dog and bounds over to the typewriter and knocks out a couple of perfect business letters. 'Okay, are you computer literate?' asks the boss. Woof goes the dog and goes to the computer and creates a database, imports it it into a spreadsheet and then produces graphs and charts. 'Well I'm pretty impressed.' says the boss,'but are you bilingual?' The dog looks at him and goes 'Meow.'
Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there." That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, "I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look." The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her. Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?" So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to her husband, "I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine." Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed! I had the four guys I play poker with in the closet with me."
some things you just can't explain A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. "Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket." "Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad." "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked. The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left." "And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket." The man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what did you do then?" the man asked. "I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right." "And then?" "Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail." "Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said. "So, what did you do?" the man asked. "Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain."
Viens a moi Two women walked into a department store, stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. "That's nice, isn't it?" Sharon said, waving her arm under her friend's nose. "Yeah. What's it called?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What's that mean?" A clerk offered some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'" Sharon took another sniff. "That doesn't smell like come to me," she said, offering her arm to her friend again. "Does that smell like come to you?"
Why not you give me one of each and then I can tell you which type I am P.S Where's my b'day present. You're overdue by one day!!
When in doubt, get both. If not get the whole AT series with all the diff weights and grip sizes. From AT300 to the AT800 OF's and DE's I'm sure one of them will suit me
ahem!!! this is your boss speaking here, cooler. but i guess i'll let your opinion slide this time around..aren't i just magnanimous?
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished >> > to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. >> > Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the >> > center of the bed. It was addressed, >> > >> > "Mom." >> > >> > With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read >> > the letter with trembling hands: >> > >> > Dear Mom, >> > >> > It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing >> > you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I >> > wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. >> > >> > I've been finding real passion with John and he is so >> > nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and >> > his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the >> > passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said that we will >> > be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods >> > and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He >> > wants to have many more children with me and that's >> > now one of my dreams too. >> > >> > John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone >> > and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends >> > for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. >> > >> > In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for >> > AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!! >> > >> > Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how >> > to take care of myself. Some day I'm sure we'll be >> > back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. >> > >> > Your daughter, >> > Julie >> > >> > PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
man... that is GENIUS... why didn't i think of that when i got crappy grades?! but then again.... that whole pregnant thing couldn't apply to me....
why we all love children!! A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. but it was dead. "how do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked him. "because i pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "you did WHAT!!!???" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "you know, " explained the boy. "i leaned over and went 'PSSST!' and it didn't move." An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "how do expect to get into Heaven?" the boy thought it over and said, "well, i'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says "for Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!" one summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her son into bed. whe was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" the mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. " i can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "the big sissy." one day, the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read,".. and CHicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "the sky is falling!" the teacher then asked the class, "and what do you think that farmer said?" one little girl raised her hand and said, " i think he said: 'holy Sh't! a talking chicken!'" the teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
I got this from a friend.This is too funny! It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is easy to see happening,customer service being what it is.... here goes.. "My Aunt died this past January. :crying: :crying: Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00...now it was somewhere around $60.00 I placed the following phone call to CitiBank: Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January." CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply." Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections" CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been." Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?" CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau maybe both!" Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" D ) CitiBank:"...excuse me .?" Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?" CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisor gets on the phone) Me: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January." CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply." Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?" CitiBank: ".....(stammer)" .... "Are you her lawyer?" Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... ) CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?" Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given. After they get the fax. ) CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death" Me: "Oh..." CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..." Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...." CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply." Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?" CitiBank: "That might help." Me: "Nilai Memorial Park Cemetery (North South Highway and plot number given.) CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!" Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?" "
