Consoling teammates after loss

Discussion in 'General Forum' started by Magwitch, Mar 2, 2020.

  1. Magwitch

    Magwitch Regular Member

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    I've often been on teams where my teammates seem to think they have to say something to console each other when we come off after a loss. Usually it is something generic like "Bad luck".

    I wonder if others hate hearing this as much as I do. The vast majority of the time it's pretty clear they are lying, and that luck had nothing to do with the outcome. I may have lost quite comprehensively, and nothing happened in the match which might suggest luck played a result in the outcome. I don't like people lying to me to make me feel better. Sometimes when they've said this I clearly choked, and it would actually make me feel better if they called it a choke rather than tried to pretend my luck ran out. Calling it bad luck is more likely to make me lose later matches. With me, if you can't think of anything genuinely good to say about my match saying nothing is the best option.
     
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  2. phihag

    phihag Regular Member

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    After a loss, the best thing to do is to talk about what you can improve organizationally/mentally, technically, tactically, and athletically.

    Can you nail down why you think you choked? I.e. was ist just the general pressure, something about the opponent, something about the hall (e.g.), or something else? Talk this through with your coaches, and try to set up exercises to improve so you perform better next time.

    Note that unless you are top 20 of the world, you can easily compensate for a lack in any department with different skills, and conversely you are likely to have deficits in all departments. What were your weakest shots? Which movement patterns did not work well for oyu? Was your stamina sufficient? Was the other player faster than you?

    You can look it this way: If Kento Momota or Jia Yi Fan would have played in your place and choked heavily, they would have still won easily, just because their base athletical and technical skills are that good.

    Thinking about what you can improve, and maybe even making a concrete plan (e.g. let's focus on my drop quality in training) converts the negative experience into the push for a self-improvement. Once you've finished coaching your teammates, you may even be able to immediately use remaining hal time to do make your first step and do some (but light!) training.
     
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  3. Budi

    Budi Regular Member

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    What i do after match, i shake hand/high five with my partner saying thanks & sorry if we are in the losing side.
    I wont blame my partner even if they are noobs for whatever it is. & luck, yes it matter to our games but we cant win all 30 point with just luck, so luck is just bonus for me & the rest is my skill, strategy, & judgment that matter.
    But im not the type that goes down after defeat. For every defeat it boost me to improve myself more. Like... Damn... They are good... How can i beat them & thinking strategy that should be done next time i face them. & sometimes with my best partner we do little discussion reviewing our games.
     
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  4. Cheung

    Cheung Moderator

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    I don’t really listen to ‘bad luck’ on things on court. You can have bad luck on having to play stronger players on a random draw.

    Once I played a mixed doubles match and winning but then lost. My friend observing said I lost control of the rallies. That got me thinking, ‘ what is control?’

    Constructive advice is always welcomed. Not ‘bad luck’.
     
  5. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Regular Member

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    In the UK, the phrase(, or I should say word) "unlucky" is very pervasive after rallies in both competitive and casual play, from both partners and even opponents.

    Serve in the net? unlucky.
    Miss a kill? unlucky.
    Smash out past the back line? unlucky.

    It's one thing for your partner to try and get your mind off it and back into the game, but another thing for an opponent to determine that a point lost by your mistake is due to bad luck. "you're just unlucky that you made a mistake" What!?

    It's as if they're saying: you earned that point by getting the opportunity to play a kill and "normally" you would "always" get the point, so it's fine. As if finishing the rally isn't part of the game. If I play a loose shot and my opponent manages to lose himself the point, then I deserve to win the point on account that my opponent deserves to lose it. It's a zero sum game. Someone deserves to win and the other deserves to lose. Even if the quality of play is so low that both players come off court absolutely disgusted with themselves, one player will have deserved to lose a little less and therefore deserved to win.


    Also similar is when (weaker) players apologize for making mistakes. You're not going to play well if you come on the court with the belief that you're going to disappoint your partner. I guess it's more about the mentality behind the apology, than the apology itself.

    If your smash goes wide, don't just apologize, do something about it. Everybody hits smashes wide. Everybody serves in the net. If you smash wide, choose a safer angle next time. Even if you hit the last 5 smashes out, just smash in the absolute center of the court. If you serve in the net over and over, serve a little higher. Even if the opponent attacks or kill it, at least you tried to solve the problem. Maybe your partner can save 1 out of 10 kills, that's better odds than serving in the net.

    I don't mind playing with weaker players, but I absolutely hate when they come on court with a helpless mentality. Losing isn't nearly as frustrating as my partner making the same exact mistake for the fifth time, followed by an empty apology and a posture that says: "I guess I couldn't have done anything about that one".

    I should say I don't mean technical mistakes. I mean mistakes anyone can attempt to solve. It's one thing to miss 5 backhands, because you're a beginner and don't have a backhand. But it's another thing to smash wide of the side lines 5 times and then continuing to go for the riskiest angles.
     
  6. LenaicM

    LenaicM Regular Member

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    I don't take seriously those "bad luck" comments. I assume it depends of the teammate's personality and sometimes people just don't know what to say or don't know enough technique/tactic to approach the partner in a constructive way after a loss. Some people also don't care to improve so it ends up just being "better luck next time". I don't take it to heart.

    When playing with a player of a certain level and/or who want to improve, the player will naturally discuss what caused the loss and how to solve the issues spotted during the match between teammates.
     
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  7. Ouchie

    Ouchie Regular Member

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    If you believe "you make your own luck" then "bad luck" is kinda right in this context. You didn't make your own luck as in you didn't play to your full potential. It is only pointing out the bleeding obvious though. They could easily comment with varying amounts of filter, such as, you did a bad job of reaching your potential, you choked, you let your opponent get inside your head, you are slow and lazy, suck it up buttercup, etc...

    Yet, the problem is still no matter what is said or how honest it is, it won't change the result after the fact. Make your own luck, solve the problem that is making you choke.

    I guess this is one of those times that your feelings are being protected whether you like it or not. After making mistakes I want to be told what they are. A kick up the backside or an arm around the shoulder can be equally beneficial when used at the right time but 2-way honesty is crucial. Find a way to make it clear you want constructive criticism, but say it in a way that doesn't hurt their feelings :p
     
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  8. DuckFeet

    DuckFeet Regular Member

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    Oh man basically all i say on court is 'unlucky' or 'sorry'. In my mind its acknowledging the mistake and not to repeat it. And its trying to keep my partner positive rather than "why are you so s***?". I've been asked that before and it didn't make me play any better.
    After reading this i will have to stop both. And stop myself before i apologise for apologising.

    I suppose by being positive I'm trying to help my pair make our own good luck.

    Sent from my SM-J510FN using Tapatalk
     
  9. Ouchie

    Ouchie Regular Member

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    I love watching married couples play together. They can have the best arguments.

    Sometimes it is better to consider the partners feelings and be more diplomatic.
     
  10. ralphz

    ralphz Regular Member

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    Well what you can do is pre-empt them doing it by doing it even more extremely to them and before they say that to you. Then they learn not to do that!
     
    #10 ralphz, Mar 8, 2020
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2020

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